Oh the Mems!

You’ve probably read the blogs about how to be happy, or how to get over an ex, or about how being broken up with was the best thing to ever happen to a person. Well this isn’t that blog post. I’ve read those blogs and tried to follow their advice religiously, but failed when it came down to it. I am different from those people just like you are different from me. We each experience moments in our lives that impact us differently. Mine, which spun my whole world into orbit, was being dumped my freshman year. Here I am three years later still talking about it, but it made a big impact on my life and I feel the need to share that.

I came into college with this idea that I’d find the love of my life my freshman year, be with them throughout college, get married, and live the happily ever after. That did not happen. Instead I gave my number to a boy on a Frisbee, and he changed my world. I had never met someone like him. To me, he was great. Caring, humble, and I genuinely felt like he liked me. I had never in my life looked at someone the way I looked at him. Like all good things though they come to an end.

Like most breakups you go through this roller coaster of emotion, well not me. I literally went downhill into a black obis which is now my heart. I failed a class, was extremely unhappy, and just lost myself. I felt like I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough to be with anyone. I mean this was the first time I got dumped so there must have been something wrong with me, right? I felt like I was just going through the motions with no purpose or drive anymore.

Then I met someone who I found out was a lot like me. Heart broken, and looking to fix themselves. What no one tells you about meeting someone in the same situation is that they are draining. They require a lot of time and energy and constantly need to be reminded that you’re not leaving. We literally fed off each other’s heartbreak to make ourselves feel better. This relationship ultimately ended when I realized my attempt to be happy again failed, like 30% F failed.

I found myself in this weird stage of relief/scared to death/joy. All at once I felt that life was saying deep breath, everything will be fine. Life was right, everything is fine. I had finally realized how important it was to be happy, and I made it my mission to start accepting things in life and be happy. However the most important lesson I learned was that I am good enough, or at least I’m trying to convince myself of that everyday.

So here I am three years later and I still find my mind wandering to memories of being happy with this person. I honestly don’t think they’ll leave for a while since they are memories that have made my college experience one for the books. I still struggle with not feeling good enough, and often find myself upset about it. However I know that those days come, and they pass quickly and I’m back to being happy. I can’t saying being broken up with made my college experience, because I never would have wanted it to happen that way! But it has made me a stronger, sassier, and more goal driven person than I was before.

Side Note! I am constantly looking for new things to blog about because let’s face it I’m pretty boring. So pleaseeeee give me a topic in the comments below!